Growing Deeper Into Myself
People are born, and people grow that’s a reality of this life. While we grow we encounter different stages, and there were different people who tried to explain what these stages meant. One of them was Erik Erickson, who eventually came up with the, “Psychosocial Stages.” In this essay, I try to write an account of my own development with regards to these stages.
When I was still a little baby I never really cried often. Most people never thought that there was a baby inside our house. I had different ways to ask for my needs whether it be through different bodily movements and different kinds of noises. Of course, I’m still pretty dependent on my parents at this stage, and I’m glad that they were always there for me whenever I needed them. They’re both very loving, caring and that love radiated from their hearts to my little heart. Most people would probably say that babies don’t understand what love is because of its abstraction but I felt my parents’ love and I knew what it meant. Somehow, love means having to trust people that they would never hurt you and I trusted my parents that they would never hurt me in any manner and in any way.
I was right.
My early childhood – this is stage wherein I don’t remember much that transpired. It seemed like a constant blur, a heavily- misted window of the past. Yet, I knew how stubborn I was at this stage. I said tons of yeses and a bunch of nos. I could make simple choices in life and that’s where I learned a little bit of independence and a little bit of confidence. A big problem though, was the fact that I was particularly bad at toilet training. It probably frustrated me a whole lot when I couldn’t pinpoint when and where to pee, how to hold my bladder in, and many more. My problems were pretty simple and
I wished I knew at that time that life is made of constant evolutions.
Preschool was probably where I learned to assert myself, and I often found the initiative to do different tasks. I wanted to please almost everybody my teachers, my playmates, especially my parents. I often showed them the stars imprinted on my hands, I told them how good I was at this or that. I played with other children and I learned how to speak my mind in most matters. This stage was the stage wherein I have the fondest of memories. Everything in this stage seemed light and airy, filled with positivity in the new stages of my life.
My early school years were marked with shifts. I was constantly evolving from the self I once was. I used to always participate in class discussions, lead group works, and assert myself in different kinds of activities but in the middle of it all, I changed. I believed in myself but I lacked assertiveness. I had a sense of pride whenever I accomplished some things but in my head, there was always this knocking thought that I could’ve done better. This was due to the fact that I was always singled out, most of the girls didn’t like me, and I had to live with their judging, childish manners. I didn’t want to have all the attention, for I never liked gaining a lot of attention to myself. As a child, all I wanted was to live a simple life.
I never really knew who I was when I entered the stage of adolescence. I could be anybody upon the face of the Earth. I tried various methods in an attempt to get to know myself in deeper level but I never really could though I tried. Sometimes I thought I knew myself, and then some eventualities would create a maelstrom in my life and I often found that I wasn’t who I thought I was. All I knew was the fact that from this stage was the most complicated of them all, you’d find yourself and you’ll lose that knowledge in an instant.
Young adulthood was quite simpler than that of adolescence. Somehow, I already had a strong sense of self. I knew what I wanted and I chased after my goals and desires. I’m a deep individual who only wants to be alone with her stack of books, poetry upon her lips and fingertips. I never really cared much for a lot of people, though I find comfort in family and friends. I find myself trapped between the need for intimacy and the need to be lonely. There were times I hid myself away, basking in isolation and there were times I socialized. I find that I’m more accustomed to the first, though I try to keep equanimity most of the time.
To end, I turned out to be a very private individual. At times I can be pretty cynical of the world, but I always try to keep an open mind to the different blessings that come my way. It’s not easy to live after all, for to live is to take risk. Life is both good and bad, but as we grow deeper into ourselves we need to remember that we just need to make the best of what life gives us.