A Deconstruction Of Experiences
Who are we? Are we still little children with adult masks that sunk deep into the crevices of our flesh that it stuck? Or are we adults masquerading as children, hiding from the realities of the world? Eventually, we have to grow up, mature, and age like the multitudes of people from generations before us. Life comes with a series of changes, and we develop as we face each stage of our lives – that’s for sure.
The only thing unchangeable is change, and just like most people, it’s easier to change when you’re younger, and as you get older, the more you find it unacceptable.
Yet, we all face it and we still continuously face it.
I was only a size of a shoebox when I was born into this world. I was eighteen inches in length, and two point five kilograms in weight. I wasn’t underweight, or overweight for a newborn baby.
As I grew, I learned how to communicate with my parents. I cooed, I babbled and I muttered some kind of incomprehensible speech that actually corresponded to a need. My parents catered to most of my needs and wants as an infant and I eventually learned to trust them.
I cannot exactly remember much about my infancy or my first year. I suppose nobody really can, for experiences and sensations can be quite limited. My parents did tell me though, that I began to talk earlier than most children
At ages two, as well as three I often found myself fighting for independence, though it can be tough to be independent at such a young age. I could eat by myself, I could run,
I could throw a ball. I could already do a lot of things at this stage, not just physically but mentally as well. I could follow a few simple directions, and use my dominant hand (left), but along with this is my ability to create chaos by throwing tantrums out of the pettiest things.
It was a troublesome stage – our walls were often filled with different scribbles of sizes and colors. Secondly, I could never fight my overwhelming desire to pee. Toilet training wasn’t really my forte.
I always had the courage to try out new things, and I wasn’t scared of failure, for I had no concept of it back then.
I eventually went to preschool at age four or five. The new environment enabled me to explore new things around me – the smell of fresh flowers in the school garden, the wetness of dew upon the grass in the morning, and the softness of sand in the sandpit. Everything was a learning experience that I shared with my friends. We discovered how things worked and why certain eventualities happened.
At this stage, I could draw stick figures, write, read a few words, sing, and dance to music. I felt that I could almost do anything yet I couldn’t seem to tie my shoelaces whenever they came off. I wanted to do many things, do small tasks to earn praise from my parents and teachers. I loved getting praise, yet I hated getting the opposite.
By ages six to eleven, I found myself in a stage full of challenges. I was quite a late bloomer, as my teachers back then described me to be. I had a hard time with both, reading in context and dealing with higher Math problems. I find that I could read a few books but I found the transition from reading picture books to non-picture books a little difficult. At this stage, I also found Mathematics to be difficult and cruel.
I was a pretty confident child, but during my adolescence, I lost most of my confidence for I was forced to mature early by other kids who couldn’t be controlled by their own parents.
During this stage, I encountered both mental and physical changes. I had a growth spurt, though I’m still undoubtedly short. I was able to understand my lessons a little better through constant tutoring and mentoring. Eventually, I developed my own way of thinking.
Even though I dealt with a lot of emotional baggage, I knew who I was on the inside and I didn’t hide it.
By the time I entered into young adulthood, I valued my privacy all the more. I’m an introvert, a romantic trapped inside the skin of a calculative pragmatist. This is what I eventually grew up to be. I valued close relationships, yet I hate venturing out of my shell.
I never really had the need for too much intimacy. I valued being alone, for I saw it as solitude. I never saw it as isolation.
In conclusion, we are different. Yet, we are also very much the same. We are born and we develop into the people we choose to become. There are milestones that serve as guides but they never really are valid for everyone. Everyone develops at their own pace, and in their own time. You’ll never really know how you’ll turn out to be, just as I didn’t know how I would be.
But we always have the choice to be the best version of ourselves.
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